An Animated Guide to Dangerous Women

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,

He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.

But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,

He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.

But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,

They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.

'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male….

Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights,

Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,

Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw

And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

     (—Rudyard Kipling, from “The Female of the Species”)

He: Do you like Kipling?

She: I don’t know, you silly boy, I’ve never kippled.

     It is important to remember that, as a rule, the only way a woman is directly dangerous to a man is through her sexuality—a man becomes emotionally attached to her, the emotion generally being sexual desire, and then he is vulnerable to being eviscerated in various ways. Otherwise a woman, often a feminist, can be dangerous indirectly, typically via the power of other men, through public accusations and agitating to get a guy fired, ostracized, or otherwise ruined. Besides these two ways a woman is almost never dangerous, but nevertheless can still be a damned nuisance. But some women are very nice; don’t get me wrong. Conservative East Asian women, for example.

     Following is a partial list of dangerous female types. No doubt I’ve forgotten lots of them. Even this many may take a hell of a long time to load if you have slow Internet.

Sirens

(old fashioned, now very rare due to pollution of the oceans and habitat destruction; not to be confused with common nymphs)

Gorgons

(another old-fashioned one that is not dangerous anymore)

Really physically violent women

(this one is fairly obvious; in general, they know they can get away with it, and are dangerous only to betas, or to men trained to believe that it is totally dishonorable and disgraceful to hit a woman under any circumstances…nowadays mostly the former)

Insecurity-motivated progressive feminists

(dangerous only to men’s rights and public sanity)

Resentment-, anger-, and hate-motivated militant progressive feminists 

courtesy of ihateallmen.com

(more extreme than the previous type, more likely to get in your face, and maybe get a little bit of hysterical spittle onto it; only really dangerous if they set themselves to get you fired, as they mostly are afraid actually to use guns)

Truly empowered female badasses as portrayed in feminist propaganda action movies

(fortunately, these are in the unicorn zone and don’t exist in real life, kind of like Wakanda, the prosperous sub-Saharan African nation of the recent comic book movie)

Beautiful crazy women

(you know, the ones blessed and watched over by the gods of love and chaos; say no more)

Merely sexually attractive crazy women

(not quite so dangerous as the truly beautiful crazy woman, but still in the danger zone, and more likely to spread diseases and parasites)

Liberated, “empowered” slutty women

(these are the ones most likely to accuse a man of behaving inappropriately; a woman like this may also infect him with a disease, and may get him into fights with Neanderthal ex-boyfriends who are still fixated on her braless form)

Women who turn to PC and militant Social Justice in the hopes of abolishing standards of beauty

(these are actually not dangerous, just annoying…unless they’re armed with pepper spray, a baseball bat, etc.—but you’re still faster than them)

Helpless, passive women who get men into fights and disastrous predicaments

(usually too confused to pretend convincingly that they’re feminists)

Tough, aggressive women who get men into even worse disastrous predicaments

(these include women who do things like walking across a log fallen across a ravine and then daring you to do it; your masculine pride is at stake, and can result in nasty injuries, including some to your ego…fortunately this type is rare)

Troubled teenagers willing to do anything

(these are dangerous for various reasons)

The Jinx

(women who have disasters following them around like…I don’t know what they follow them around like, but follow them they do; they are often drama queens who incorporate their continual crises into a prolonged tragical soap opera, thereby facilitating them)

Famous black infotainment stars who turn swarms of bees loose on their audiences—and then laugh diabolically

(no comment necessary)

Mysterious entities in female form

(this one looks dangerous, but I don’t know exactly what she is, so let’s just skip this one)

Webcam girls, strippers, redheads, anyone named Tiffany, etc.

(these are definitely in the Danger Zone; be aware that any ecstasy you experience with them will inevitably be balanced out by its opposite soon enough)

Prostitutes

(especially dangerous if they use metal claws and blowguns; this group also includes most actresses not included in the preceding group)

Women who actually crave punishment and humiliation

(somewhat similar to The Jinx above, but these actually crave trouble, insist that they deserve it, and deliberately accelerate the process, thereby spreading trouble and misery to all around them; in some ways these can be the most dangerous of all—beware)

The standard emotionally messed up western woman

(these are more dangerous the prettier and more intelligent they are; the big danger may be several years down the road, when they decide they want a divorce, and the house, and the kids, and your car)

Women who are totally smoking-hot gorgeous as well as totally brainless

(especially dangerous if you let them drive your car or make consequential decisions—by the way, I’m pretty sure that’s motor oil she’s pouring on the engine)

AI cyber-women

(this is the dangerous woman of the future, smarter and more ruthless than any man)

and now for something completely different…

A woman who isn’t dangerous at all

(Miss Petula Wilcox, here in her disastrous championship boxing match against Ken Clean Air System….By the way, I don’t actually endorse beating up women. Better to be like Bluto. Women generally can’t hit very hard anyway.)